This morning during my meditation and breathing practice, I became aware of a tension in my body that was uncomfortable. This made it difficult to still my mind to access the calm, relaxed and mindful state which is the intention behind this type of practice. 

This is not working, I thought to myself. I must be doing something wrong. At some point after struggling with myself for a while, I became aware of my need to do it right, to achieve a particular outcome. I became aware of the part of me that efforts, tries and strives, so that I can achieve a specific outcome I want. 

And in that moment that I become aware of my trying and decide to let that go, I feel my entire nervous system surrender and all of the tension in my shoulders, my heart and my jaw, dissolves and melts away. My brain slips into a much more relaxed state and all of a sudden, the very state I have been trying to achieve, to no avail, naturally unfolds, in that exact moment of no-trying.

A sense of deep peace and fulfilment come over my nervous system and it feels as if I am being wrapped in a warm and snuggly blanket, being held and embraced by something much bigger than myself. In my surrender I feel myself being held in the arms of Grace. There is no sweeter or greater feeling than this, for me. It is the ultimate, a feeling of being welcomed home. I give myself permission to stay here, in this state for the rest of the day. And every moment of this day just so happens to be magical, beautiful and enriched.

This day, the day I let go of trying, is a watershed day. Trying is a mindset, an attitude, a state of being. Behind this mindset is a series of bargains one strikes up with oneself. If I do A, B and C then I will be successful. If I do E and F then G, Y and Z will happen. But in the doing of these activities is a tension, an expectation and a fear that even if I do these things, the outcome may not be what I want. Because outcomes are never guaranteed, they are not within our control. 

What is in our control is our actions, the one’s that are ours to take. All one can do is to be fully present and apply yourself 100% to the best of your ability in every action you take, every conversation you have, every activity and every task you carry out. Just show up…and do. 

But don’t try…because the energy behind trying is a pushing energy which stresses out your nervous system and the systems of other people that are involved with and around you and it is actually just an ineffective control pattern, which creates resistance and will ultimately cost you in life force and ultimately in your mental and emotional health and in your relationships in the long run.